Grieving....

Grieve. Such a small word to describe the unknown feelings we’re battling for the loss of someone. So small that it doesn’t even explain neither things that we go through nor effects of it to our body and the people around us. What grieving really is? How do you know you are experiencing it? How would you know that you’re over it and ready to open another chapter in your life?

We heard terrible news last night - my father-in-law died. When my wife heard about it, she just couldn’t speak, she’s weeping. Then the sound grows louder until it became a full on cry. She couldn’t stop herself from crying. Being a son-in-law I thought I wouldn’t be very much involved, but the sorrow of my wife is just so intense that it gets me… and before I knew it I was crying with her.

I tried to reason and see the brighter side of things. But you see, news like this, doesn’t matter if it was broken to you in a good wrapping, still hard to see the brighter side of things - even reasoning is difficult. And so I just let my wife cried… let her emotions out.

Honestly, I’m feeling helpless, awkward and unsure. I’m scared I might say the wrong things and make it worse for my wife. Besides I don’t know how I can extend my help to make things a little better… if not lighter.

I heard there are stages of grieving, first is absorbing – this is when the bad news was broken and the person is trying to understand what really is happening. Some people take minutes others take days, weeks, months and sometimes years before they can have a feel of what’s happening. In the case of my wife, I don’t know if she has absorbed it yet…. only she can tell.

Mourning – this is the stage where you express your loss. This is the most difficult stage of grieving because some people never come out of it the same – some people die from it. This is the stage when we should give all our support and understanding. Mourning’s duration is indefinite… for some this takes forever.

To get out of mourning one needs to accept the loss. This is crucial as the person needs to do it for herself, although we can still help her by being always there for her, ready to comfort her. Sometimes retelling the story over and over again help her come to acceptance, so if she wants to talk, let her talk and listen, with each retelling more often the pain lessens.

And finally, the cross road. This is the part when the person needs to decide what to do with her life. She can choose to move on, which is the correct and prudent way to do, go back to grieving or stay where she is.

I trust that all these things will come easy to my wife…. I pray so.