Grieving....

Grieve. Such a small word to describe the unknown feelings we’re battling for the loss of someone. So small that it doesn’t even explain neither things that we go through nor effects of it to our body and the people around us. What grieving really is? How do you know you are experiencing it? How would you know that you’re over it and ready to open another chapter in your life?

We heard terrible news last night - my father-in-law died. When my wife heard about it, she just couldn’t speak, she’s weeping. Then the sound grows louder until it became a full on cry. She couldn’t stop herself from crying. Being a son-in-law I thought I wouldn’t be very much involved, but the sorrow of my wife is just so intense that it gets me… and before I knew it I was crying with her.

I tried to reason and see the brighter side of things. But you see, news like this, doesn’t matter if it was broken to you in a good wrapping, still hard to see the brighter side of things - even reasoning is difficult. And so I just let my wife cried… let her emotions out.

Honestly, I’m feeling helpless, awkward and unsure. I’m scared I might say the wrong things and make it worse for my wife. Besides I don’t know how I can extend my help to make things a little better… if not lighter.

I heard there are stages of grieving, first is absorbing – this is when the bad news was broken and the person is trying to understand what really is happening. Some people take minutes others take days, weeks, months and sometimes years before they can have a feel of what’s happening. In the case of my wife, I don’t know if she has absorbed it yet…. only she can tell.

Mourning – this is the stage where you express your loss. This is the most difficult stage of grieving because some people never come out of it the same – some people die from it. This is the stage when we should give all our support and understanding. Mourning’s duration is indefinite… for some this takes forever.

To get out of mourning one needs to accept the loss. This is crucial as the person needs to do it for herself, although we can still help her by being always there for her, ready to comfort her. Sometimes retelling the story over and over again help her come to acceptance, so if she wants to talk, let her talk and listen, with each retelling more often the pain lessens.

And finally, the cross road. This is the part when the person needs to decide what to do with her life. She can choose to move on, which is the correct and prudent way to do, go back to grieving or stay where she is.

I trust that all these things will come easy to my wife…. I pray so.

2nd Chances

I was watching repeats of ‘Batman’ last Saturday. Can’t remember the episode title but the one I’m watching has a part where batman failed to save Robin from the joker. Joker killed Robin but some guy bathed Robin in Lazarus spring. The spring is known for its fountain of youth, if you’re dead the spring will bring you back to life. To cut the story short, Robin was brought back to life but he’s way different from what he used to be.

Robin became one of those notorious criminals that batman is battling everyday. Worse, Robin is now killing people.

Well, at the end of the episode Robin failed to avenge his death from the joker (as joker got away), batman saved him from the joker (this time he’s successful) but Robin got away too… and batman couldn’t find him… and he’s not even sure if he’s going back to his old self.

As you can see, robin was given a 2nd chance to relive his life. But what is 2nd chance really is? Is it to better our life? Is it to correct the things we’ve done wrong? Is it to make amends to people that we’ve wronged? Or is it to avenge our misfortune?

In robin’s case, he used his 2nd chance to take revenge. But by doing so, he has hurt more people and had more mistakes. Was he right to use his 2nd chance that way?

How many 2nd chances do we get? Do we get one for every major mistake? If so, is it still right to call it ‘2nd chance’?

I guess different people use their 2nd chances depending on their understanding of their past lives. Some use the last moment before their downfall to evaluate how to use their 2nd chances. And others use it to find reason why they failed.

Not everyone is given a 2nd chance, and not everyone is able to realise that a 2nd chance is given to them… but if you were given one, I hope that you’ll use it wisely, for 2nd chance is just exactly what it is – a second chance.

Overtake

I was in a freeway driving home when a cab cut me without any signal. I was furious at the cab driver and I wanted to get even. I changed lane, drove faster and tried to overtake the cab. When my window is paralleled to the driver, I gave him the look, cut him and slowed down. He horned at me, opened his window and yell. I was feeling a different sort of happiness when I noticed the driver changed lane. I knew he wants to overtake and so I drove faster…. then I lost him.

Knowing that I’ve lost the cab driver I went back to my normal driving speed. My wife, oblivious to what happened, is asleep next to me taking advantage of the few minute-rest she gets. As I looked at my wife I thought - she’s peaceful and beautiful, I told myself – God I love my wife so much. But why did I react to the cab driver like the way I reacted to him few minutes ago? Why didn’t I just let him go, instead I got even? What if something wrong happened that costed me my wife or my life, what will I do?

More often in our lives we react based on impulse. We often forgot the repercussions of our actions, we failed to see the ‘after’ part of our impulsive decision, we are more focused on the ‘now’. My ‘now’ with the cab driver was to ‘get even’, if only I thought about the danger of getting even in the freeway my ‘now’ would have been – letting the cab driver go.

Good thing nothing wrong happened, no one got hurt.

I was almost at the exit when I saw the cab driver behind me, he changed lane, overtook me. I know he didn’t notice me because he didn’t say anything nor blink his headlights, he just went pass me. I wanted to say sorry for my reaction but I’m close to my exit, and so I let him go.

I wanted to tell him what he did was not safe and could lead to accidents. I wanted to tell him to stop cutting drivers as it doesn’t just put himself in danger; he also endangers his passengers and other drivers. But he’s gone and I’m exiting.

How do I stop myself from reacting based on impulse? How can I get myself into a routine to think about the repercussions of my actions? How do I make my moral compass points correctly, always?

I’m relieved that nothing happened and we got home safely, though I’m not happy with my initial reaction to the driver. I knew I didn’t do the right thing, otherwise I wouldn’t be feeling this way.

Sa Iyong Pagtanda......

Batid ko ang hirap na iyong pinagdanasan
Pati na ang mga hirap na pagdadanasan
Kaya sa iyong pagtanda ako ay asahan
Na makakasama mo sa ano mang paraan.

Kung ang paningin ay unti unting lumalabo
At mga kamay ay nanginginig,
Aakayin ka, sasamahan ka
Kaya kumapit sa aking bisig.

Patawarin mo ako kung ako ay mabilis,
At kung minsan tila nagmamalabis,
Hindi ko nais na ikaw ay mainis
Mabilis lamang ako kumilos, mag-isip.

At kung minsan ay di kita mapansin,
Huwag mag alala pagkat ikaw pa rin
Ang nag iisang mahal sa aking buhay
Kaya buong puso sa iyo ay alay.

Kung ang aking boses minsan ay tuminis,
Hindi nangangahulugan na ako ay galit,
Ako lamang ay pagod, tali sa mga isipin
Kaya huwag mag atubili na ako ay yakapin.

Kung sa iyong pagtulog ay di ka mahagkan,
Pagkat ayaw kong magambala ang iyong pahinga,
Ganun pa man, madalas kitang pagmasdan,
At nangingiti sa tuwing nahihimbing ka.

Kasabay ay panalangin na naway sayong panaginip,
Masasayang himig ang iyong inaawit,
Mga halakhak natin nung ako pa’y maliit,
Ang pawang tinig na iyong naririnig.

Mapapansing ako ay tahimik sa isang tabi,
Walang imik, nag iisip at di mapakali,
Sa mga paraan upang ikaw ay sumaya,
Paano ko ihihingi na dugtungan ka pa NYA.

At kung minsan ay di kita maintindihan,
Huwag magtampo, huwag magalit ng taimtim,
Ito ay gawa ng maraming dahilan,
Pero hindi sapat upang ikaw ay manimdim.

Sa iyong pagtanda, iyong pakatandaan.
Di mo man ako maalala, makilala o matandaan
Iingatan ka, sasamahan at gagabayan.
Hangang sa iyong huling hantungan.


Original Composition: Dyun A.