Anyway, back to parenting, we (my wife and I) asked my friend if he’s ready to be a father, to have a little angel in their lives. My friend, being a funny man that he is, just answered ‘yes’ and then laughed at everything… I know he’s just being funny… but I also feel that he’s ready. How did I know he’s ready? Well… I don’t know… I just feel that he is. Did it happen to you when you know something’s going to happen and you don’t know how, when and why? Well, that’s what I felt in that moment… I just know he’s ready.
To help my good friend prepare for fatherhood I shared with him my experiences. As a father to a 12-year old girl, it’s not easy. And as I shared myself to him, I can’t help to be personal…. I talked about my father and how I hate to be like him. Of course he has his takes on this thing too, but that doesn’t matter, we all have takes on everything. I was telling him the value of spending time with your kid, and how crucial it is during the first 7 years of the kid. To be honest, I think this is what I’m missing with my daughter. I wasn’t there for her during her development years. That’s probably the reason why I’m working double time to mend those missed years, I did miss a lot!
And then I thought to myself, why I am advising my friend on how to be a good parent when I, myself, am a work in progress. I haven’t raised a perfect child… I’m still working on it. And with the rate I’m going, I don’t think I have much time… she’s 12 now. Soon she’ll be a teen and she’ll be totally different by then. That would require a different approach…. perhaps.
There are at least two stacks of books in the library about parenting, at least there’s one that explains how to be one, or is there really? I didn’t get any advice from my father on how to be a good parent, I just based it from my experience with him. Some of my friends told me to be such and such, some made sense and some didn’t, but are they right? I mean, their kids are still growing up…. And like me, they all are ‘work in progress.’
And then I thought, what about those animals in the wilds, for instance the tigers. Nobody told them to raise their cubs. They didn’t have any books or manuals on how to be a parent, and yet they’re raising their cubs perfectly. I mean, these cubs act like a tiger, move like a tiger, think like a tiger, hunt like a tiger and live like a tiger…. they are raised accordingly.
And then I thought, maybe being a parent is personal. The things that work for others may not work for me and likewise. Why? Well, basically we have different experiences, we have different values, we have different understanding, and most importantly we have different personalities. Nothing can correctly map our attributes with the hundreds of parents in this world and create a parenting equation that will suit everyone…. in a perfect world that’s probably possible… but we’re not in a perfect world.
And so I thought, to be a good parent, we have to be, at least, a good person, a good friend, a good son/daughter and a good partner. It is our everyday conduct that teaches our kids to be just like us - good individuals. It’s the word that we use that educate them how to show love… and hate, to respect…. and disrespect, to be faithful… and corrupt. It is our everyday's sharing of ourselves that defines the kind of individuals we are raising our kids…making us good or bad parent… what do you think?
Picture: Thailand 2005
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